Making a Difficult Choice Easier
Where do I begin?
Q
Dear Adia,
I am a mother of 3 kids, all under the age of 12, needles to say our lives are busy and hectic. Recently, my husband and I have found ourselves making 2 to 3 times more visits per week helping my 81 year old mother-in-law who lives at home alone in Rancho Palos Verdes. Our dearest Nana is active with church, friends and fiercely independent but, over the past few months, we’ve recognized that she isn’t able to manage her day to day activities as well as she used to, not to mention she was unable to renew her drivers license which was a real set back for her. Our family has never been in a position of looking for part time/full time help for a loved one in the home. We received a long list from the hospital of various companies that provide nurses and caregivers. We also have lots of suggestions from friends and neighbors who have hired independent people that help. We really aren’t sure of what to look for and what we need to do to protect our beloved Nana. We are very concerned that she also will resist a professional caregiver. We need HELP! We’re feeling overwhelmed and I am not sure how long we can manage this schedule. Where do we begin?
Best regards,
Concerned Daughter-In-Law
A
Dear Concerned Daughter-in-Law,
Caring for an older adult changes everything. Your experience and concerns are real and much the same of many sons and daughters of the baby-boom generation. It’s a struggle to balance and juggle all the forces competing for your time and attention. Your concern of letting one ball fall and as a result, put your family and/or mom-in-law at risk is worrisome for many families working double or triple duty. The natural behavior is to automatically become the point person / caregiver yourself. However, do you have the skills needed to care for an older adult at home; do you have to quit your job to do so? Can you afford to quit your job? Who is taking care of your own family? These are natural questions that must be fully assessed. Below are key questions to ask yourself and prospective caregivers (or caregiver companies) before making any permanent decisions.
Preliminary ElderCare Preparation and Planning:
- What are the needs? Daily Chores or Critical Care (bathing, dressing, eating, or incontinence care)? Both? Transportation and Companionship only?
- What does my loved one “perceive” she/he needs?
- Does my loved one need a nurse, a caregiver or a care companion / friend?
- What services does a nurse provide versus a caregiver? Medical Needs?
- What are the costs? Per hour or per day?
- What are the housing options? Stay at home or Senior Facility?
- Do I call a professional caregiver company or an independent caregiver?
- Do I have to become an “employer” if I hire someone independently?
- Is the list from the hospital reliable? Pre-screened companies?
- What are the risks and costs of not hiring a person or company that is insured, bonded and licensed?
Questions to Ask when Interviewing a Prospective Caregiver or Caregiver Company:
- Type of services? Are the services managed? What is a “Care Plan”?
- Is the caregiver trained to work with older adults?
- Does the caregiver have a criminal record? Safe driving record?
- What if the caregiver doesn’t show up to work? What is the back up plan?
- Who will supervise caregiver?
- What happens when the needs of my loved one changes?
- Does the caregiver speak English and have a safe / reliable car?
- What is the right personality type for my loved one? “Chatty Suzy”, “Mrs. Doubtfire” or “Quiet Betty”
- What if the caregiver falls and suffers an injury in the home? Who pays for the medical expenses?
- Is the caregiver or caregiver company insured, bonded and licensed?
- Can you meet the caregiver before he/she meets your loved one?
Choose potential caregivers very carefully, even if the person is a family member. Every prospective person should go through a rigorous screening process with the intent of evaluating “fit & compatibility” on many levels – needs, skills / competency, accessibility, geographic location, cultural orientation, personality type, coordination management and costs on a short and long-term basis.
Make the best decision given a wide range of options. Your goal is to create a positive, long term experience and friendship for both your loved one and yourself.
Most Sincerely,
Adia LLC
www.adiacares.com